SO, my friend Gen started one of these, and I thought... what the hell. Its a new year. Play with a new blogging medium. Maybe actually blog on a regular basis since I don't know a lot of people on here. Just gen. That I know of. Myspace you kind of have to edit yourself.. cuz the whole wide world is reading. Its been a hard year. I can't imagine a worse year, but I refuse to say that because when you do it gets worse. I still have a lot to be thankful for in the upcoming future, but I know that I have lost a lot. My baby brother. Who would have ever thought that possible. And at his own hand. I love him, I miss him, but I still hate him for what he did to my family, my parents, Erika, his friends. Himself. He had so much to live for. My idealism about life. Poof. Gone. I had the perfect family. Nothing bad ever happened to my family. I will never think that again. I fear the future now. The things that go wrong. The things that can happen. WHat people are capable of and you never have a clue. I look forward to the new year as much as I fear it. SO much good ahead.. but so many things that could go so terribly wrong. I worry about my parents. I worry that they will divorce, grow to hate each otehr. I worry Erika will kill herself. I worry that a terrible tragic accident will befall someone. I worry that one day Stephen and I may end up like his parents, like my parents. I worry that I can't have children.. that they will die.. or that one day they too will take their own life. My life is a neverending worry. Concerns echo in my mind at all hours. The person I once was, the family we once were... this was all shattered. I pray that the year ahead is better. That there is happiness and peace ahead for myself and my family. I wonder if that is possible. If not, life goes on. Happy new year all. I wish anyone who reads this all the happiness in the world.
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh
2 comments:
Hey I'm a friend of Gen...I'm new here and was curious about what ppl blog about before I start my own. I have to say....that your story really sounds sad. And it looks to me like that you have fear to live. I know a lots of bad things can happen in your life. But live goes on. It doesn't matter how things happen to you, but it does matter how you respond to the event what happens. You can just choose to do the best out of it. Think positive. And things you don't have a direct control over you can not change. So why should you worry about it. Don't be afraid to live. Enjoy what you have. See moment. Open your eyes and see the little things in your life. Cherish those who are close to you.
I wish you the best in life. Smile and keep your head up.
Word -Natasa!
Alicia- You are a beautiful strong woman who will do great. I know you will. Like she said- keep your chin up and you'll be fine.
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