Spring Break

• There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while, people push on to something better, something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or give someone a second chance, something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested that you discover who you are, that you discover who you can be. The person you can be does exist, beyond the hard work, faith, belief, and beyond the heartache, and fear of what lies ahead.

Stole this from a friend. Had to put it somewhere. Seemed like a goodplace. About to go shower.. Have lunch with mom and dad. SHop some more with my mom. I wish I wasn't so poor. SIgh. And that my parents were happy. That things could go back the way they were. Things arenot well in the world. I'll say that. The wedding is almost here though. SO that's a definite plus. Bleh. Can't wait til its over. Elope people. Trust me. I wish that I had listened to people when they told me to elope. Just kinda blah. Not a super fun spring break going on. Wedding planning. Sitting at home. I'm such a loser. ANd on top of it all its cloudy and rainy and bleh. Owelz. just me bitching for a while. Life goes on.

Its been a while

So. its been a whlie. About two months. So much has happened. and So much has stayed the same. ISn't it funny how life works like that. hmm. Student teaching is going well. I look forward to being done thouhg. Hopefull will interview for a position at the school I am teaching at and get that job. The principal is coming to observe me next week so nervous about taht. Mrs. Lovitt told her that I am interested in the position. :D. Umm. Just moved. still unpacking. Love the new apartment. I now have a backyard, a couch, and a washer adn dryer. All this mving has left me incredibly poor thouhg. lol. things are expensive. Some days I wish it were October. No, I don't love October. but then everything will be over. No more wedding planning, school, job hunting, being poor over the summer, the one year anniversary, allwill be over. Life will be good and things will go on in October. and if not.. I suppose we'll deal with that when the time comes. I guess I'm jsut tired of things the way they stand. I want some free time. I want to not worry so much. I want things to assume a semblance of normalcy and routine. I want to sit down on a tuesday afternoon adn think wow. i'm bored. whatcan I do withthis time adn just do something I want to do. Like read a book. Or go for a walk. I dont' want to be scrambling to do homework. Or to call a caterer. or to go off to antoher job at 6 pm after working 8 hours during the day. I want timet o do my laundry. Sigh. One day it will come. Anyways. need to get off here.. so mu ch unpacking left to do .

One week down.

SO. I have completed the first week of the semester. The first week student teaching. If waking up at 6am doesn't kill me first this is going to be amazing. I love the teacher that I am with. She's down to earth and fun, and I am going to learn a lot. The class is challenging, but very sweet. I think it will help to prepare me for being on my own next year. Hopefully... crossing my fingers... I can take Ms. Irwin's job and classroom and everything. :D. Then I would be in Ferry Pass, which I love, right next to Ms. Lovitt and Ms. Case, sharing an office. That is my current hope. :D.
In other news. Went back to dance last week. Ballet and Jazz Tues night and Weds at UWF. I think it will be good for me... I was so excited about Tues and had so much fun. I have been incredibly sore though since I haven't danced in... I dunno.. six months?? Its all part of my goal to get my ass back in shape. I should go to the gym tonight. I might. Only time will tell. I have to go to campus tonight for somehw.. so we shall see.
The pups finally got spayed. FINALLY. Athena was still sick this time, but they went ahead adn took care of that too. SO I have had some lifeless puppies. They're passed out next to me now. I wish that I had did it on a monday so I would have had two days where they weren't destroying my house.
Anyways. Off to lunch with a friend then work so I shall be off of here. :D. Good day to all.

Last day of freedom

SO. Today is the last day before school starts. Student teaching. WOw. Who'da thunk. lol. But yeah. been nice being home again. Ran errands all day friday with my love. SPent some money we shouldn't have, so kinda stressed about tath. bleh. Yesterday ... worked.. chillled with some friends. Same today. Went grocery shopiing. I have food. Its so exciting. In other news.. i've got nothing. Hoefully student teaching willgo well. I'm out.

Another day

SO. It is a newer brighter day. Things don't seem so gloomy today. COlder, definitely, but no so gloomy. Sang karaoke for like three hours with Stephen and his family. So that made the day fun. Jordan their male beagle is obsessed with athena. I wouldn't mind, but they haven't been spayed yet (they will be in a week). I do not want puppies. :D. I look forward to tomorrow. I get to see monica and I get to sleep in my own bed. Isn't that a happy thought? I miss my bed. I will be glad to settle back into life. I have aton of stuff to do on Friday. But I look forward to teaching. Hmm. I had a thought. But.. I have forgotten it. Go me. Its amazing how things change day to day. One day I'm curled up in a ball crying for hours.. and then I can't imagine feeling that way. Mind boggling. but. I should be gone from here. Thanks for listening??? LOl. It says that people have been to my site. Who knows who. It's intriguing though. Night all you strange people readingthis. :D

New Year,New Beginnings

SO, my friend Gen started one of these, and I thought... what the hell. Its a new year. Play with a new blogging medium. Maybe actually blog on a regular basis since I don't know a lot of people on here. Just gen. That I know of. Myspace you kind of have to edit yourself.. cuz the whole wide world is reading. Its been a hard year. I can't imagine a worse year, but I refuse to say that because when you do it gets worse. I still have a lot to be thankful for in the upcoming future, but I know that I have lost a lot. My baby brother. Who would have ever thought that possible. And at his own hand. I love him, I miss him, but I still hate him for what he did to my family, my parents, Erika, his friends. Himself. He had so much to live for. My idealism about life. Poof. Gone. I had the perfect family. Nothing bad ever happened to my family. I will never think that again. I fear the future now. The things that go wrong. The things that can happen. WHat people are capable of and you never have a clue. I look forward to the new year as much as I fear it. SO much good ahead.. but so many things that could go so terribly wrong. I worry about my parents. I worry that they will divorce, grow to hate each otehr. I worry Erika will kill herself. I worry that a terrible tragic accident will befall someone. I worry that one day Stephen and I may end up like his parents, like my parents. I worry that I can't have children.. that they will die.. or that one day they too will take their own life. My life is a neverending worry. Concerns echo in my mind at all hours. The person I once was, the family we once were... this was all shattered. I pray that the year ahead is better. That there is happiness and peace ahead for myself and my family. I wonder if that is possible. If not, life goes on. Happy new year all. I wish anyone who reads this all the happiness in the world.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh